How High My High Gets

It was a great weekend. I remember coming back Sunday night and thinking that if I can only … make … it … up … the … stairs, I’d give the weekend a 10. I made it up there (I guess, if you want to count whatever that weird hybrid crawl/carpet swim was as ‘making it up there’) and just passed out on my bed.

So let’s get to it…Train Ride High. First of all, the ride started with an arrest. The Po-lease were waiting for a 'rowdy' (I later found out he was drunk and proceeded to push and grab the ladies, including the staff) passenger. But it got better around Alexandria, VA (I think) where Britney Spears' "Baby One More Time" video came to life. I guess the kids were headed to Alabama, not quite sure why but they really made it an interesting train ride. This group of 16 high school kids (ALIENS) makes up great people-watching subjects. The train was crowded (and fussy); I thought my best bet was to sit the whole ride in the once-empty café area and now lunchroom-esque fiasco. The kids brought it, and they brought it hard.

The Characters:

The Alpha Female
Homegirl had it going on. Clearly the ‘coolest chic' in the class – Miss Thing managed to score a 4 course dinner by batting her eyes. Her pizza slice mooching from horny teenage boys seemed effortless. Blondie was very resourceful with ideas on how to have fun in a train café. She suggested a game of ‘quarters’ with plastic cups (do they do that in high school? Quarters?) – and then whipped out the cards for a game that had no ending. (I don’t even know what it was, but no-one won). Earlier that evening:

Blondie: Do you know where we’re supposed to like … go to the bathroom?
Me: Yes. There are bathrooms on either end of every car. Blondie: Oh. Maybe I can wait.

Well, suit yourself Blondie ... I am pretty sure that 'coolest chic' in the class title will crumble before your batting eyes should word get out that you pee-ed your pants because you forgot to go to the bathroom.


The Lieutenant Alpha Female
This one is a troublemaker. While not able to finagle pizza slices from the boys as handily as Blondie was able to, she more than made up for it in mischief. This one managed to straight up STEAL pizza and huff it down without even raising suspicion. It was incredible. I think I was the only one who caught her do it. This girl gave me the impression that she was the mastermind of any shenanigan, but she has an innocent look to her. At some point, maybe later in high school or college, she and Blondie will probably have a falling out. Second place is just not her style. Earlier that evening:

Lt. Alpha Female: Hey, what’s up
Me: Hey
Lt. Alpha Female: Are you 21?
Me: No, Sorry
Lt. Alpha Female: Damn

Well, I don’t suppose she was interested in a game of 'guess your age'. Either way, it was just easier to lie than it would have been to be an asshole and say 'Yeah, but I'm not really in the mood for jail because I got some high school kids drunk.'


The Sistah
The one and only sistah in the group was cool. She was just zoned out the whole time, not really interacting with any of the other kids. She was definitely the music-pusher in the group, people kept interrupting her head-phone jam sessions to return (or borrow another) CD of hers. (Since the train was really crowded and fussy) The Sistah and I shared a booth in the café area for the whole ride, the other kids were occupying the other booths. Here’s me seeing if I’m getting old or not:

Me: So, What are you listening to?
The Sistah (Taking her headphones off): Huh?
Me: What are you listening to?
The Sistah: Destiny’s Chahd. What are YOU listening to?
Me: Nina Simone
The Sistah: Who?
Me: I mean, Amerie …
The Sistah: Word.
Me: Yeah.
The Sistah: Cool.
Me: Cool.

Well ... Cool. Homegirl then got bored with the Music, and it was time to unveil … the DVD player. Aaaahhh Shit … NOW everyone wants to talk to her. Our little booth got crowded (on one side) by about 8 kids piled up on top of each other. I thought they’re surely peaking at something illegal for them to be THIS excited. In the name of seeing what the big fuss was about, I acted like I was stretching and took a peer over, and … Uh Oh … looks like we lost Nemo.


The Southern Boy
This homeboy was rockin’ the NASCAR shirt and along with his super-southern twang came the redneck style Oakleys, Baseball cap and a chipped tooth! My personal hypothesis is that He and Lt. Alpha Female are kind of running the show but I don’t think they know it. Earlier that evening:

Southern Boy: Are you from Alabama? Is that where you’re going?
Me: No, not from Alabama – not going there either
Southern Boy: Cool, I thought you were from Alabama; you look like that Ruben guy from Alabama. Are you related?
Me: Nah, but that's Cool. (I look NOTHING like Ruben Studdard, probably even a few shades lighter on your standard brown paper-bag test).


Mr. Intense
Homeboy was cut-up. Clearly, a very serious athlete and probably the reason why all the other fat kids get to go on this trip too. This guy was sitting alone in the corner for the whole time. He had not said a single word to any of the other kids. His shirt was all seriously marked up ‘MY SWEAT’ ‘MY SORENESS’ ‘MY TEARS’ or some such athletic thing. I don't know if he was listening to the coach yelling or learning plays, but in 6+ hours of train, I had not seen him get up, move, eat, drink, talk ... NOTHING. But you know, who am I to stereotype. Perhaps they were going to a debate team thing? A spelling bee? Drama classes or Band Camp?



All the Pepsi these kids were drinking and something crazy was bound to happen. I can't believe I had to get off at my stop. Like I mentioned earlier though, the weekend was great and worth missing Crazy High. I did however miss my 7 am train back on Sunday, which I had already expected would happen and let plan 'B' go into effect (Thank you N.T. and Thank you Lady S. for the rides).

Note: Is it bad to drive when you can't turn your head? Still sorta sore here and BENGAY is a total crock of shit. My apartment stinks now, and nothing good came out of it.