Juicy Fruit

(I CANNOT MAKE THIS STUFF UP)

It’s already Friday and I couldn’t be happier. This week FLASHED by. In celebration of the week’s quick progression, as well as C.R.’s last night before his Florida shindig … we decided to hit up Happy Hour at the local joint down the street.

Happy Hour is cool, you usually get there right after work and it’s definitely a much appreciated change of pace and environment. The thing with happy hour is that it’s not as social as it’s regular nightlife-hours counterpart. Everyone there is all bunched up in their (mostly co-worker) groups with a single purpose in mind. No time for socializing and getting to know people. Since we work with old(er) people, C.R. and I are usually head to head when it comes to happy hour. Conversation is always interesting and times are always good. However, Thursday evening was extra special.

You see … I never set out to people-watch because I usually detach that part of me from my social surround. It’s not MPD but there’s a time and a place for people-watching as well as a time and a place for hanging with friends (unless of course your friends are people-watching material). Thursday night was one of the few nights where the Ying met the Yang and our Happy Hour turned into a WHAT-THE-FUCK IS GOING ON hour. My personal favorite.

Right next to our table was someone we shall call “Mikey.” Mikey was a sleaze that unfortunately (for him) rendezvoused with his “Mistress” in MY presence. Is this my lucky day or what? I like to think that in light of yesterday’s luck-pendulum observations that my “GOOD” thing coming up was something far better … but I’ll settle for this, in fact I’ll take it and shut up.

Fuck the wings, half-price nachos and 1-dollar rails … among all those unnecessary preoccupations was that-there FREAK SHOW going down right before my eyes. I can’t even think of the best way to present my information … I should start with a description of Mikey and hope his wife is reading. Mikey is in his late 40’s … maybe early 50’s, white, graying hair, and a sleaze.

We got there about 5:30 and Mikey and his Mistress came to the joint at about 6:00 p.m. It was the most awkward table I had ever seen. They sat across from each other staring at one another without even saying a word, this lasted at least 5 minutes. Initially I thought, Oh man … they’re married and this is not a good sign, this shit don’t look healthy. And then the FREAK SHOW began. Here are some of the most notable and memorable quotes (with my reactions):

1) Mikey: “Why are you wearing those pink pants? They’re hot”
(Ok. I guess you have to break the ice somehow … maybe I’ll let this one slide comment-free)

2) Mikey: “Fuck that Bitch, I don’t care if I ever see her ugly face ever again.”
(This one confused me, before I could conclude if the lady was the mistress or the wife, I thought he could have been talking TO the wife, ABOUT the mistress in hopes of reconciliation).

3) Mikey: “You know what I’m going to do when I get a lot of money?”
Mistress: "What?"
Mikey: (with a HUGE grin and excitement) "Buy a Bicycle."
(ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I was prepared to hear some revelation of his plan to take over the world … buy the Taj Mahal or maybe the Sydney Opera House … and he fucking says “Buy a Bicycle” … WTF?)

4) Mikey: “Please allow me to explain it to her, she deserves at least that.”
(“Explain” and “deserve” definitely denoted a spouse; probably of the long-term type considering the cheaters’ elderly appearance didn't exactly suggest “puppy love” … furthermore I thought he never wanted to see “her ugly face” again.)

To confirm my suspicion that this was indeed a Mistress, Mikey interrupted the rendezvous for about 10 minutes to chat up a blond MILF at the entrance of the bar. Surely, if he were in anyways trying to console his heartbroken wife … he would never have salted the wound and approached another woman. Right?

At this point we were settling our tabs and getting ready to leave. We decided to go back to C.R.’s place. We got to C.R.’s place and I was still feeling some void deep down inside me. Luckily, C.R. had just bought a $500.00 digital camera, which according to him he hadn’t “broken in” yet. Allow me to do so. I managed to convince him that we absolutely had to go back to the bar and take a snapshot of THE CHEATER and his MISTRESS. Indeed, pictured below are Mikey and his Mistress.

I’ve never actually pulled a stunt of this magnitude. I don’t know what led me to take this bold step ... but I’m so glad I did it. There was an indescribable rush of adrenaline while standing on the sidewalk across from them and snap, snap, snapping away. I of course disguised it a little and acted like I was interested in the City’s “architecture” … after all I was holding a $500.00 camera and didn’t want to get caught and risk any angry-Mikey-inflicted damage on the Canon SD500.

I don’t right now, but perhaps when I’m older and married for (a lot) of years I might appreciate his position.

Happy Friday.

(picture removed after thinking it over and realizing that shit was none of my business).

Note: This might be one of those 'Limited Edition' posts. If/ when I feel guilty about it after a few days.