T = 2Π [ L / g]

The entire weekend was just weird. It’s hard to describe, it was one of those eventful weekends that seemed more strenuous than your weekday 40 (or 60, or 80 … you know, depending on how much of a dedicated PUSH-OVER you are).

(BAD) So I guess it would behoove me to start my ‘bizarre chain of events’ from that weird weekend. Saturday, I found out that I had just lost 250 million dollars. It’s ok; I’m over it now.

(GOOD) I drove down to Washington DC for some relaxing family time. Dramatics, Percocet and the threat of contracting pinkeye aside, it’s always nice to be around family. I hereby call for extra points for my driving skills for managing to (successfully) maneuver my way through THOUSANDS of motorbikes and tourists EVERYWHERE (some of those rides were hot).

I had something planned for Monday, so it was absolutely imperative that I made it out of DC and back home on Sunday night AT ALL COSTS. Sure enough, after being suckered into a BBQ and card games, I hit the road at 11:00 p.m.

(BAD) I eventually got home around 2 a.m. Monday morning. Needless to say, I overslept my occasion the next morning and never made it. (Sorry!) After all that dedication and determination, I just overslept.

(GOOD) My Memorial Day was spent ‘recharging’ for the upcoming shorter week. It was a day where I got to fix that damn table that was always tripping me up and I FINALLY Installed Chess Master 10 (There you go Panama …NOW I’m hooked and I will not rest until my ranking shoots up to above 1500 … where I feel I belong) – this one has been a long time (several months) coming. Thanks for the step-by-step instructions/ walk-through.

I had a late breakfast/ early lunch (is that what Brunch technically is?) around 10:30 or so. Spent the entire day being as unproductive as possible and before I knew it, it was now 4:30 p.m. All of a sudden I was hungry again and decided to go out to the store to grab something to eat.

Prior to leaving town on Friday, I had noticed the signs telling us NOT to park on our street between 4pm and 8pm because of a parade. I completely forgot about that, and getting back as late as I did, I just parked where it was most convenient.

Though I overstayed my allowance by thirty minutes, I completely and (initially) unknowingly lucked out for getting hungry and going to grab a bite. I was gone for 15 minutes, upon my return and attempt to park, I was alerted by an across-the-street neighbor that I would get ticketed if I park there and that “Those guys over there just got $150.00 tickets each.” I couldn’t believe it. It was only then that I remembered the No Parking warnings and out of the whole day, my 15-minute feeding frenzy was coincidently out-of-this-world timing to avoid the ticketing orgy. I guess all my stars and suns were aligned… and it gets better.

I then set out to look for a new and ‘legal’ parking spot (all the side streets were packed because all the other cars from my street parked on them). I made ONE loop around the block, and not only did I find THE LAST parking spot, I found the last parking spot and before I could even back into the spot … the police shut down that street and every other side street in preparation for the parade. I don’t even know what the scenario would have been had there not been a spot. Would I have just sat there in my car for 4 hours (because if there wasn’t a spot … I couldn’t have gotten out of that street)?

All this overwhelmed me, and being the type of person who usually prefers to give the BAD NEWS first, then the GOOD NEWS … I decided Tuesday morning should be about my “bad/lack of” luck with the powerball lottery. So naturally the logical progression is that I would have written all this in Wednesday’s post – right? Well you see, I intended to write this on Wednesday morning but I didn’t plan for a little something we like to call TUESDAY night.

The luck-pendulum swings and that fucker swung back, and it swung back in style. As a matter of fact, it swung back harder than a Samsonite briefcase on a bully.

(BAD) After chilling with some friends, I return home TUESDAY night ready for bed. The apartment was hot, the weather outside was cool and breezy so I figured I would open my windows for some natural cooling. Why the Fuck does my ONLY screen-less window in the apartment SHATTER into a million pieces and sends the glass flying STRAIGHT down into oblivion. Where exactly? … Onto Kevin's window, right beneath my apartment.

To be honest, I just didn’t want any part of it. I just wanted to sleep and ignore the magnitude of what just happened … Maybe it’ll all go away in the morning. That wasn’t happening … not if I wanted to avoid a ‘KNOCK, KNOCK’ from Kevin. So I did what any “good neighbor” would do … I stuck my head outside the broken window and waited for Kevin to stick his head out the window (which would have been a very stupid move considering it had just been raining sharp glass).

Kevin got the benefit of the doubt and mere seconds later; he walked out of his apartment and came around to the alley:

- Hello? Anyone out there? (I guess he thought someone was trying to break-in, I should have ran away with this one... "FREEZE motherfucker")
- Hey man, no one’s out here, my window just shattered, I don’t know why.
- What? Are you serious? How did it shatter?

Did you fucking hear a single word I said? Do you see the glass before you … and did you hear the shatter? What do YOU think? Am I serious? My real answer was a much more subdued (and boring): “Yeah, I’ll give Stacey a call about it in the morning. Sorry if I woke you up -- Good night.”

And I slept it off. I haven’t called Stacy yet because I don’t want to interrupt my workday. You see, there is STILL only ONE KEY to my apartment and I haven’t copied it yet to give to her. Which would mean I would have to come back and let the maintenance guys in. (Although, there IS a broken window that they could use to get in …hmmm).

(GOOD?) If the sequencing about all this is correct, next up for me is something ‘good’. I am very excited about believing that.

Note: Today is my one-week anniversary of NO TELEVISION. Surely, I’m excused if my observations are a little hyper sensitive/ completely fucking whacko!