Roland Garros

UPDATE 05/27: Just ignore that whole part below about Venus Williams. What a terrible third set showing. She looked like a turkey who wasn't interested in thanksgiving dinner. An ABSOLUTELY terrible loss to a Bulgarian no-name teenager who basically just had to 'BE THERE' to win that match. Venus, Fire your dad, Hire Brad Gilbert or one of the 'legends' as your new coach (Billie Jean King, Chris Everett, Martina...ANYONE)

Yes! It’s been a long 4 months since Australia and the red clay courts are here (why don’t they add in a fifth grandslam somewhere in between January and May?) For tennis nuts like me, this is some serious shit. Today’s post will be dedicated to my thoughts on the tournament, predictions (call your bookies) and of course shit-talking.

“Eeeeeeeoooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhcome on!”

That was my (written) impression of Maria Sharapova. Bless her heart, the girl is a screamer but she’s not whistling dixies. To add insult to the assault on her opponent’s COCHLEA … Maria adds in an aggressive COME ON, with a confrontational fist pump. Watch Maria Sharapova cruise into the finals of this year’s French Open (ok, maybe not cruise, she’s got 2 former Red-Hot #1’s in her path and the entire Kremlin of rising young Russians – ALL OF THEM are in her half of the draw). Win or lose this tournament, I stand by my bet (be ready to pay up) that she will reach #1 before the end of the season.

Who will Maria Sharapova play in the final? (This is where you’re going to make BIG money) … Venus Williams. Venus has been lack luster as of late, but watching her first round match, I can honestly say she brought intensity and desire that I haven’t seen from her for at least a year. Standing in her way? The world #1, a couple of crafty clay court masters (Spaniards and Argentines) … but it’s all gravy, no sweat.

I won’t make a prediction on who wins until I see more matches from both of them. Which brings me to my next point … WHERE IS THE TENNIS on TV?!?! Staying up late and watching web streams is not really my ideal situation. For Christ’s sake will ESPN stop showing BOWLING when there’s a relatively HUGE international sporting event going on?

Players to Note: Swiss veteran Patty Schnyder ... Lefties are so tough to play against and when they're on point, they're hot. Schnyder will reach the Semi-finals (she is in Williams' half of the draw).

The men’s draw is trickier. You have the man I consider to be the future “Best to have EVER played the game,” Roger Federer. While he has not really shown his phenomenon on Clay (though an impressive clay win at the Hamburg master’s recently), I still have faith that he will outwit, out-play and out-show the entire field. Federer will have a relatively breezy route to the … SEMI-final where he will meet his Clay-Court worst Nightmare, 18-year-old Spaniard Rafael Nadal. Nadal will win in 5 and go on to win the tournament.

I will need a few more days to see who will lose to Nadal in the final, but I will go ahead and name-drop last year’s finalist Guillermo Coria of Argentina.

Poor Agassi, his old ass just needs to drop it now with dignity like his wife (Graf) did. Though injured, there is no need to be 35+ and losing by a big fat bagel (6-0) in the final set. Following in their idol’s footsteps, the remaining American men (Roddick, Blake and Spadea) will not make it past the third round, if that.

What about CRAZY man, Marat Safin? This one is probably one of the handful of players who can compete with Federer on court. Safin grew up on Clay courts but the Motha' is CRAZY. He is just too unpredictable and at any given moment could LOSE IT, smash and break his racquet (all of them, including spares) which would put him in a jam. If he keeps his cool, Safin is a good pick for a finalist ... but there's a risk of meeting racquet-breaking-inducer-by-frustrating-you, Guillermo Coria.

Players to Note: Argentina's death squad: (among Many others) David Nalbandian, Guillermo Canas and Gaston Gaudio (defending champ).


Note: This was so much easier when Venus and Serena were in every Grand Slam Final - I miss those days.