A Ten

Oh No …here we motherfuckin’ go again. What am I up to this time?

The S.O.B.’s engagement party this weekend was incredible. Great hosts, great guests, great food and … great everything else (by S.O.B. I of course mean ‘Second Oldest Brother’).

The weekend was obviously quite hectic. I drove on a ‘bad foot’ Friday after work. Earlier in the week, I stepped on this stupid binder clip and managed to cut the sole of my foot (see, I cut & bleed easier than anyone I know). I didn’t think it would affect my driving but it was quite uncomfortable (and painful). Knowing the extent of action that was promised on Saturday, I made the wise choice to just chill on Friday night. I saw “The Village” again (I loved it the first time around) but I think the dialogue could use some improvement.

My Saturday looked like this:

-Wake up and go to a graduation ceremony
-Go and Buy Clothes
-Go and Get Dressed
-Pick-up Mom and Auntie
-Pick up the food
-Get there by 4 p.m. (which I knew I had no chance of making … but 4:20 isn’t that bad, right?)

So let’s tackle those events … one by one.

Wake up and go to the graduation ceremony: The “Waking Up’ part was pretty easy, the graduation ceremony was not. Parking on THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF CAMPUS than where we needed to be was a little inconvenient but that’s fine. We then watched so many people get ‘CUM LAUDE’ and ‘MAGNA CUM LAUDE’ (kids are getting smarter these days?) before we had to excuse ourselves because of the subsequent HAD-TO-BE-DONEs.

Go and Buy Clothes: The lady at the checkout register said to me “That’s what you get for having expensive taste.” Only mere seconds before her observation, my jaw dropped at my total. I guess they were worth it; those were some hot threads: a shirt, pants, a hat (so p.i.m.p.), a belt and socks. And yes, leave it to me to buy a 40.00-dollar belt. It’s not really my fault, I’m usually reasonable at looking at the price of things before I buy them, but I was in such a hurry and didn’t see this until after the fact and I was removing the tags to wear it. Again, it’s fine … I spent the whole weekend convincing myself that my new expensive belt has ‘magical powers.’ Slimmer waist, bigger package, slimmer waist, bigger package, slimmer waist, bigger package, slimmer waist, bigger package, slimmer waist, bigger package, slimmer waist, bigger package, slimmer waist, bigger package, slimmer waist, bigger package, slimmer waist, bigger package, slimmer waist, bigger package, slimmer waist, bigger package...

Get dressed: Understandably, this was very boring until I tried to put on my new socks and shoes with that disaster on the sole of my foot. Then I guess it got “interesting” and as a matter of fact it just turned downright excruciating. Had there not been a couple of more drive-to destinations on the agenda, I would have promptly whipped out the Tequila (to put on the wound … you know).

Pick up Mom and Auntie: This one was a last-minute addition on the agenda but it made sense since I was getting dressed where they were.

Pick up the Food: This one was also a last minute agenda (but not as last minute as the previous one …I had about an hour’s notice on this one). Although it was on the way to the event, this suddenly became the most ‘difficult’ thing to do. You see, since I originally had just one passenger (cousin), I had planned to put the food in the back seat (the only place it would fit) but then I picked up 2 more passengers and the drama ensued. The Nissan trunk. This is very deserving of its own post but I just want to say that I don’t even like opening my trunk because I can’t even begin to think of what’s in there. It is absolutely no-more-room-for-anything-else PACKED. We emptied everything out and covered the entire apartment living room floor with it.

Again, walking across campus (and I thought I would never have to do that again, ever); squeezing my cut foot in a brand new shoe; the manual labor and demons associated with emptying the contents of my trunk and everything else was entirely worth it. This weekend was a 10.

Note: If I could ask God just one question, it would be: Why did you ever create birds?
My psychosis aside, I have ‘THEM’ to thank for the (quite frequently occurring) deplorable and shit covered filthy car.