Unusually, Freakishly, Obsessive

While I’m on this supernatural trip, I might as well tell this story because I’ll probably forget about it soon, or at least I would like to. I have actually never told anyone this story (not that I can remember). I guess that qualifies it as a ‘secret’ for all you lucky, lucky people.

Back in the day during Sophomore year in college, I lived in an apartment just off campus. The apartment was within walking distance to the campus but it was also neighboring some woods. I exaggerate when I say woods, because it was just a gathering of trees, more like an extra forest-y back yard. Either way, these woods happened to be my ‘view’ out of my (un-open-able) window.

My roommates were cool. I lived with the 2 Christophers. The first one … we shall call C.J. was in a frat and he was never home – so he’s irrelevant for the purposes of this post. The second roommate we shall also call Chris (the first “Chris” went by his initials: C.J., the second one didn’t). Chris (not CJ) had a girlfriend who I THINK lived there with us … but I’m not entirely sure on that one.

They were both very nice people. Definitely homebodies and liked to stay in his (their) room and ‘hang out’. Basically the only time I would run into either of them was when there was a simultaneous rush for the bathroom. The way this was ‘resolved’ was Chris (or Chris’ girlfriend) and I would make eye contact. Whoever had a more ‘desperate’ look on their face had the right of way. It was an unspoken treaty but all parties seemed to oblige and it worked out fine.

All that was basically useless information, except for the fact that I want to reiterate that during my minimal time-spent-at-home (I usually just went home to sleep … if that), I had very little interaction with said roommates. Instead, I was fixated with my forest-y ‘view’ from my (un-open-able) window. Although, Chris and his girlfriend had a pet chinchilla but they would never let it out to play because I guess it ran too fast (it was the coolest little thing – I wanted one and probably still want one now). How entertaining would that shit have been?

So, every night, I would stare out the window for a few minutes until I fell asleep.

Months and months had passed by and nothing interesting ever happened outside of my window. One dark and fateful night, everything changed. I was gazing out the window and saw a SHINY and glowing object; it was more like a glowing ‘bar’ or strip of light in the woods. It was very striking as it clearly stood out from its dark and leafy surround. The object was within sight but not close enough to identify. If I had to recall my description of its size, I would say it was about the size of a remote control.

This is where (again) I let my imagination take over.

You see, at that time I was convinced that this was something extra terrestrial. Why the fuck would there be something THAT shiny in the middle of the woods. Surely, the freaks have landed and they’ve landed right outside my window. Ok – so we’ve got some sort of shit out there. I was extremely tired but I was actually more bored and curious than I was tired. I decided that I should and would go and see what that object was.

I walked towards the front door and I reached out to open the door … and then I froze.
“Wait a minute … if this is indeed some freaky Alien shit, I don’t want to ‘disappear’ and get prodded leaving everyone to wonder where the fuck I went. No, no, no that would be stupid of me.”

So I went back to my room and opened up a text document. I briefly typed the events of that day (in case they might have any significance to my eventual abduction) and then explained the whole shiny object situation and ended my (possibly) pre-disappearance clue with: “And I’m going out there to see what’s up.”

I felt good about it now. I walked towards the front door once more, reached out to open the door … and I froze again. NOW WHAT?
"Well, if the aliens have some technological interference going on, which I assume they would … then surely my computer would get shut-down, or malfunction in some way … no one would ever find my typed note and I would still be a no-show."

Oh fuck … FINE! I went back to my room and quickly wrote the same note on a piece of paper. (Meanwhile, I would still look out the window, and the object was STILL there, shiny as ever).

I finally get to the front door, open it, walk around to the woods outside my window and (cautiously) approach the object. I get closer and closer and before I knew it, the object was within reach and plain sight. A motherfucking (silver) Diet Coke can was reflecting a strip of light from somewhere. What a complete letdown. I was looking forward to executing my (quite cool) escape plan from the alien ship and telling the world about it.

I swear, I’m perfectly normal; it’s just that sometimes I like to …subconsciously … entertain myself.

Note: After my great letdown, I was REALLY tired and I decided to move the Diet Coke can from my window’s view before I can entertain any further conspiracy theories about those fuckers trying to blend in with our (not-so-natural) environment by disguising their ship as an empty Diet Coke can. I guess this whole thing makes me somewhat dorky.