A Pain in the Gass
I’ve been trying not to mention this subject for quite some time. I can try no more and I’m just going to let this one out for all time’s sake.
I’m fucking broke. I am broker than a gigolo at dyke-fest. WHY am I so broke? I work relatively hard, day in and day out … 40 hours each week and yet I’m still broke. I’m so broke, (insert ‘yo mama joke’ punchline here). There, I’m THAT fucking broke.
I’m so broke; I’ve even lost my (coveted) “Sugar Daddy” title at work. The secretary (RS) is quite demanding when it comes to the vending machine … and I can no longer support her mid-day coke habit (she actually drinks Pepsi … but ‘coke habit’ has a nicer ring to it).
I don’t understand why I’m so broke though; I don’t pay my bills (because I don’t open my mail). I pay my rent and that’s the only major expense that I can think of. I’ve taken stock of my lifestyle to see where all my money’s going … and I think I’ve figured it out. Fucking gas.
The reason why I’ve been trying to avoid this subject is I’ve always been one of those self-righteous assholes who thinks if you can’t afford the gas, don’t fucking drive… walk your fat ass or try some public trans. We all know about karma (karma will make internet sluts steal the self-made pants you love) and it’s a BIA. I take back everything I’ve ever said about people who complain about gas prices, as a matter of fact; I’m joining the motherfuckers.
This little issue I have is understandably magnified during the summertime. Of course I roll around blasting my AC like I’m Sheikh Fuckhead, like I own an oil field or two. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t own jack shit. I USED to own a pair of cool headphones that broke last week (moment of silence please).
It’ll cost me an average of $36.00 to fill up my tank. I usually do this once a week, sometimes twice, depending on the situation. My personal theory is we’re all getting duped on the gas. They’re definitely adding water to that shit or some trickery of the sort. Gas stations clerks don’t throw out that silly smirk when you pull out your credit for nothing, it’s their plan and they hope to see you again sooner than you hope to see them.
The frustrating thing about gas stations is that it’s a business. There’s always that ONE gas station that sells gas at a cheaper price (when I say cheaper, I mean an ENTIRE 2 cents or so)than its competitors. Sure enough, that gas station is ALWAYS miles away and getting to it alone will rid you of a cool quarter tank so it’s basically a useless endeavor.
Being someone who doesn’t stand for oppression, I want to find a solution. Viva La Resistance! and all … but this has got to end. If this post gets to Bush or anyone of his trusted men and black woman (for Google purposes, will explain soon), I want to know WHEN would the US be able to invade another country and cheapen the oil? Better yet, I’d like to know WHICH country the US could invade to accomplish this for my convenience?
Saudi Arabia? I say take their ass out.
Qatar? Lots of natural gas, but still … take their ass out
Kuwait? Well … you should have let Saddam do it for you
Bahrain? It would make a nice swimming pool too, I say take ‘em out.
UAE? Take the oil, but let them keep the nice hotel.
Oman? Don’t know about the oil, but they have good cattle … take ‘em out.
Do it soon, as it seems this weather isn’t getting any cooler.
If anyone wishes to present me with an argument stating I should consider a hybrid gas-electric vehicle …I have two things to say:
1) I kind of started out even broker than I am now (Ramen noodle style), so I had to settle for a cheapie gas-guzzler, wouldn’t be able to afford a hybrid.
2) Hybrids get the shitty end of the deal when people behind them lose focus due to that one, precious sip of coffee.
On the plus side (there’s a plus side to everything), I am more focused when I buy gas. In the past, I would buy gas and then walk into the gas mart and buy all kinds of other shit because you know, I guess I had the money to spare. Nowadays I pay at the pump or just aim straight for the cashier counter, not even the little sweet Ho-Hos in front of the counter are enough to tempt me. It has indeed become, a wondrous world.
Note: I've also been forced to improve my parallel parking skills, a 12turn parking job can get quite taxing on the gas gauge. Today: Steel
posted by aNON @ 7:30 AM
34 Comments:
While I got the shitty end of the deal with the coffee drinker and Mybrid, what you haven't heard about (YET) is who hit me.
And anyway, I wouldn't recommend buying a Hybrid for the purpose of saving money. That is not why one buys a Hybrid. If you do the math there's no money savings involved (unless gas prices go way up within a year or two). You buy a Hybrid because you can afford it and because you want to be friendly to the environment.
Unless of course you were planning on buying another car of the same price, in which case you'd definitely save money by getting the Hybrid (which is my own case).
Final suggestion - get that speed pass. Awesome gadget, saves time, and won't lure you into buying anything inside (speed being key word).
And besides that 12turn parking job, you may want to learn how to combine trips. That trip to your office can easily be combined with the visit to D.C. You're wasting time going through the house.
It's all those trips to DC that are breaking you. Why are you going to the nation's capital all the time anyway? That place is an oilman's paradise. The whole reason gas is so high is because of all those dicks in Congress and the White House living large.
And invading countries doesn't help. Hell, we invaded Iraq for the oil and we end up shipping gasoline _to them_. Talk about karma. (That is a nice hotel in UAE, though. We may need to take them out just to get it under our domain.)
As for brokeness, I am living the voluntary simplicity life which has the motto: "Buying things doesn't make you happy, free things make you happy."
Wooohooo! We all finally agree on something. Well said, TFL and Southerngirl.
Mybrid (1),
Who? hit you
Your second paragraph was confusing. So will I or will I not save money (on gas) if I buy a hybrid?
Combining trips is a good suggestion, but I gotta go home after work and shower to rid myself of what feels like 40 years of grime (it's only 8 hours, but still).
Southerngirl,
You're right, DC is breaking me. I go there mainly out of familial obligation ... and then I end up in strip clubs. Funny how these things happen.
As far as invading the arabs, you're right, it might not work ... but I've reached desperation and desperate times call for desperate measures. Ya Heard? It's worth a shot ...
I also like your motto, but nobody ever gives me stuff for Free. I'll post about this, but I knew a person S.L., who got EVERYTHING for free. It was mind-blowing.
TFL (1),
Nope, haven't found the song - it'll be at home.
TFL (2),
Wow, are you instigating another mutiny?
Mybrid (2),
Agreement? Looks like another Mutiny from this viewpoint.
Oh yeah, and the hotel ... is THE HOTNESS. I want to own that bastard and have a big party on the roof.
Weed and Rum provided by southerngirl (more weed than rum).
TFL & mybrid-
We are on the same wavelength (despite mybrid's pesky PC friends). I'm a flaming liberal and my next car is going to be a hybrid. But right now my 96 2-door Toyota RAV is still running strong at 28mpg and I love it. And it's so cute-- it looks like a damn Tonka toy.
CS-
Your family lives in DC? But I thought you were raised outside the US. Where did you grow up and why is your family in DC now? You're not some high-ranking diplomat's kid, are you?
And if you are ending up in strip clubs, no wonder you are broke. Sticking all your dollars in g-stings will break your bank.
{desperate times call for desperate measures}
Are you buddies with Rumsfeld by any chance?????
No one gives me stuff for free either. I search out stuff for free. It's out there (well, not in strip clubs).
I want you to own the hotel too!!! Hurry up. The weed won't last much longer!
Viva la mutinada!
Southerngirl,
You're right, I didn't grow up in the US but my brothers live in DC (2 of them) and I had family visiting.
As a matter of fact, yes, I am the kid of "some high-ranking diplomat". Which answers the other question with "everywhere". Born in Germany, grew up in Eastern Africa as well as one of those 6 countries I just suggested should be invaded.
As far as dollars'n'g-strings, I was referring to "The Strip Club" (club that was strip-like) not THE strip club.
Nope, not buddies with (you know who). I can't mention any names because the fucking Patriot Act has just been renewed...
Owning the hotel would be nice. I would definitely live on the 16th floor.
What about yourself? Are you a TRUE southern belle or a transplant?
in response to TFL (and his grammatically erroneous comments):
Since I'm living some version of "The American Dream", I should share that it feels like: overeducated and underpaid.
So go ahead, and educate me some more!
As for the video, I saw that video. I was trying to 'extract' it somehow and embed it in my post, but I'm far too stupid for that shit. Very funny video though.
CS,
You're some diplomat's kid, eh? Does that mean you can commit murder and park illegally and all that stuff and get away with it?
That's so interesting. You seem more American than a lot of my friends. (
I'm going to guess Bahrain as the to-be-invaded country you grew up in mainly because I like saying Bah-rain.)
And, why yes, Mista Nafie, I am a real,live southern belle, and despite the Patriot Act, I call out to those lying jackals in Congress and the White House-- "As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me! I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never pay this much for gas again! No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill! As God is my witness, I'll never pay this much for gas again!"
(BTW, just watched Jon Stewart "lay out" that dick Rick Santorum on The Daily Show. As long as Stewart is on the air, I'm going to remain vigilant, yet calm. But the minute they jerk him from the airwaves, I'm outta here.)
Haha - No, not that I'm aware of. Diplomatic Immunity is usually only good if you're a western diplomat. The OTHERS, get Patriot-Acted.
Why do you say I seem more American than...? Is it because I cuss a lot?
Bahrain is incorrect. Although saying Bah-rain, is indeed fun. I'll give ya that.
Easy on the congress bashing, (department of you know what) is reading, it'll be a headache for you to deal with it all.
Haven't caught too much Jon Stewart, but I agree with your description of Rick Santorum. Thank god he announced that he won't be running in '08.... or WILL HE? (Suspenseful drum). I have a suspicion that you mentioned Rick santo-RUM because you're secretly communicating with your fellow mutineers. Passing secret messages and all ... I'm onto you.
Now, what was all that about jerking and licking?
{The OTHERS, get Patriot-Acted.}
Hm-m-m, your dad's not the new ambassador to Guantanamo, is he?
It's not the cussing (they _all_ cuss), it's your attitude --very western (and I don't mean like Roy Rogers or the Santa Fe trail).
Ok, next guess is UAE (because of knowing about the hotel and all)
I'm sure I'm already on the FBI's list. I am mutinist, remember?
Rick could use to imbibe some rum. It might help him pass that stick that's jammed up his ass.
I cannot believe you--an avowed movie fan--did not "get" my southern rant. (flouncing away in her crinolines)
Broke? I think everyone in this country's broke. Join the club.
You want to know why we're paying so much for gas? Supply and demand, baby! We're simply using too much. Even with the gas prices surging, I still see people driving when they could have walked.
About the film 'Control Room' CS, I know who everyone is talking about when they say he looks like he could be your dad and boy did i crack up when I read that comment to your last entry! Ahem anyways yeah his name's Hassan Ibrahim (lets say he's just big boned and sorta looks like you about 20 years later LOL) and he's like sorta the main 'character' in the documentary because he manages to get his points on Middle east politics through to this US army spokesperson who seems to be the ONLY human face of the army in CentComm in Doha!
Hassan Ibrahim was on the Daily Show last summer I think, I saw clips of the interview with Jon Stewart.
southerngirl,
Nope, he's not.
Damn, I'm disappointed in the comparison not referring to the Santa Fe trail. (I don't know who Roy Rogers is).
UAE, is again ... wrong. You have one guess remaining.
Of course I "got" your southern rant, I just wanted to (somewhat innocently) put "jerk" and "lick" in the same sentence.
Zombieslayer,
Yeah, although since yesterday ... I've realized that "broke" is a state of mind ... AND ... Oh wait, no, that still makes me BROKE.
Will we need a supply of gas for the upcoming Zombie plague? Or can we do it with horses and other cattle (acquired after the US invades Oman)?
Emran,
Fine, now I HAVE to watch this movie and see what the fuss is all about. Thanks for the info on the guy's name, I'll check it out.
So how was the Jon Stewart/ Hassan Ibrahim shenanigan?
(I don't know who Roy Rogers is)
OK, now I know you're not an American.
Speaking of trails, there's this computer game they make you play in elementary school here called THE OREGON TRAIL where you're supposed to get your wagon train across the country to California in a month or two. I was totally ridiculed by my peers when it took me a couple of years to get the suckers through. I couldn't help it. My folks kept stopping and camping and partying.
Only one guess left, huh...um-m-m, I hate to say this because I think this country sucks, but Saudi Arabia?
Well if your wondering what Hassan Ibrahim looks like (I'm sure you've already googled for him by now) here's a link of some info on the documentary with a picture of him and the army spokesman he managed to 'convert' in a good way.
http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://electroniciraq.net/uploads/ibrahim254.jpg&imgrefurl=http://electroniciraq.net/news/1580.shtml&h=203&w=254&sz=10&tbnid=mKFPywKZIgAJ:&tbnh=84&tbnw=106&hl=en&start=20&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dhassan%2Bibrahim%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26sa%3DN
CS should I give away your nationality by referring to you by your name instead of CS? Or is Southerngirl not gonna get it even if I do?
Kudos to Southergirl for trying to figure out where in the world your from hehe.
southerngirl,
Saudi-Arabia is ... also, incorrect.
Thank you for playing :)
Emran,
My full name is in 'my profile' - Although, I think southerngirl knows where I'm from, just not which one of the (remaining 3) gulf countries I lived in for 4 years.
Crap. Don't buzz me offstage yet. Let's see....Oman?
You grew up in Eastern Africa--you're Sudanese, yes?
southerngirl,
I'm afraid you're out of guesses. But Oman is also incorrect ;)
What causes you to say I'm Sudanese?
OK, OK, I admit it. I'm crappy at guessing games. I'll never be a Jeopardy contestant. So, what gulf country did you live in for 4 years?
As for being Sudanese, you said you were raised in an East African country and Nafie is a Sudanese name, yes?
Sudan is correct (you ARE good at 'guessing games' afterall).
But I don't necessarily know that "Nafie" is a sudanese name. I'm pretty sure it's not.
As for where I lived, it took me forever to drop the 'U' from the spelling, I kept adding a 'U' because I was under the impression that's how it always goes down. I was wrong, a popular scrabble word re-confirmed the fact that I was wrong.
Mybrid,
I like knowing my geography. I hate the way most Americans act like the US is the only country on the planet.
And ya'll can trust me on the accent. Whenever I travel, people buy me free drinks in bars just to hear me talk. ; )
CS-
Hooray!
What'd I win? What'd I win?
As for Nafie being a Sudanese name, Google comes up with this:
Nafie Ali Nafie, minister of federal relations, said the French, who drafted the original resolution, were hypocrites to talk about human rights in Darfur when they banned religious symbols like Islamic headscarves in schools. "France talks about human rights and protecting human rights in Darfur, but what are human rights when you prevent someone from covering their heads?" he said in a speech on state radio.
Is Nafie A. Nafie any relation?
(Don't ya just love Google. Who the hell needs encyclopedias anymore.)
And where you lived has got to be Q_u_atar..although _no one_ really lives in Q_u_atar do they?
That CURS-ED search engine.
IIIIIII am supposed to show up when 'Nafie' is searched.
No, absolutely no relation to Nafie A. Nafie. Refer to a previous post from Culture Shock archives "The Perils of Vanity."
Qatar is a fiasco.
Area - Qatar is slightly smaller than Connecticut.
First, how can you get slightly smaller than Connecticut? Second, how can something that tiny be called a "country"?
Southerngirl: "Second, how can something that tiny be called a "country"?"
I resemble that remark!
Mybrid-
You look like Connecticut?????
Southerngirl, my country is not that much bigger. :-(
I have a big country.
You know what they say about men with big countries...
CS, no, what do they say about men with big countries? And do they say anything about women with small countries? Curious minds would like to know.
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