Cop Out

Sorry, I can’t write today either … psych.

I’ve been meaning to complain about this forever. I live in a decent part of town, probably the nicest part short of living out in the suburban Boondocks. It’s cool, there’s a decent amount of stuff to do, the ‘hip’ hang out night-spots (I’m still trying to figure this one out) are ‘supposedly’ a block away from where I live. There’s no shortage of young and dumb people (myself excluded, of course) in this area.

It’s a predominantly yuppie urban settlement I should say. It seems that everyone leaves around the same time and comes home at similar times. For example, I ALWAYS come home at the EXACT same time as the girl who’s rocking her designer fashion but is driving a shitty car. Forget the SHIT mobile … this thing is a piece of work (not the one I described in my previous post when someone tried to sell my car), but it’s definitely a close second.

That’s beside the point; I guess I just wanted to introduce this character because she will be having her own SPECIAL on Culture Shock in an upcoming post.

So, the point is WHY do so many cops live in my neighborhood? I feel safe and all (I guess, in a non-Rodney King or Amadou Diallo sort of way) but shouldn’t these people live out in the suburb? It’s intimidating enough to fight the commoners for a parking spot, I don’t need the scenario where some motherfucker can hold a grudge and ticket your ass for taking their spot. They’re EVERYWHERE, on my street and on every adjacent side street (I also didn’t know they were allowed to “take” their police cars home).

Maybe I’m being territorial or over-reacting, I mean cops are people too, right? They just carry guns and sticks and shit like that. I guess I could learn to live with that.
Fine, I’ll learn to live with cops as my neighbors … I’ll just keep going on my merry, stress-free way, walking to the store or pharmacy or whatever.

FUCK NO! That ain’t happening. These guys bring their dogs home. They walk them everywhere and just leave them out in balconies. German Shepherds are some mean looking motherfuckers. The Police German Shepherds are even worse, because they’re TRAINED to growl at people who look suspicious and well, I am quite possibly the most suspicious-looking person in this Brady Bunch of a city. The cat with the canary in his mouth, the fat kid with his hand in the cookie jar, whatever reference you want to make … I done did it!!!!

Any given day is National German Shepherd Parade day. Get your protective armor, flack jackets and “bad boy spray” … incase some shit goes down on your way to buy milk.
(The Bad Boy Spray is L.M.’s concoction to control the dog, Theo. It’s a mixture of water and vinegar and is the stuff of Genius, just put it in a spray bottle and spray away. Even if the dog is being good, just chase them with it … you know, if you’re real cruel and unusual).

I should mention the reason why this is so fresh in my memory that it’s today’s subject on Culture Shock. I was having the worst serving day I have ever had (maybe 6 or so first serves during an entire 2 set match) … and I blame the dogs. They intimidate me. They bark, they stare they suck. I think they know it too, the tennis courts are right next to COP-CENTRAL, a group of 6 houses that I presume is occupied by our men and women of the law. These people have barbecues and stuff all the time, and well … co-workers are always invited to your barbecue, right? So any minute gathering yields no less than the entire Police Car squad of the North East United States … worry not though, they’re all getting fatter with beer and hot dogs.

Come to think about it, I don’t have any friends who are cops. Maybe, my friend Brandon (who started out in the same major) switched majors and decided to pursue his passion of becoming a Police officer. Since graduation, I have lost touch, so perhaps I DO know a police officer. That should say something, If I don’t know any cops then they’re probably anti-social and un-cool people. I could be wrong, but remember, I know a Personal Trainer (shout out to the Swiss Miss), a Doctor-in-training (Hong Kong in the house), An Ornithologist (yeah, look that one up, Beeyatch), and many, many more, but no COPS.

Assholes (aside from Brandon, and other potentially cool cops).

Note: I still won, 6-0 in the second but my opponent was experiencing a slight mental breakdown. I guess I should just be glad (my OTHER racquet) didn’t get smashed to pieces out of frustration.Today: Steel