Rollover!

There were 10 in the bed and the little one said…(I can’t believe Cingular has not taken advantage of this yet, I guess they’re too busy overcharging me).

As a child I always preferred that particular rhyme. For one, it was much quicker to count down from 10 to 1, and thereby end my misery. The other option of course was that cursed “99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall” and agonizingly so on, etc. forever. Who has time to go through that entire song?? Every time that farce was brought upon us, I knew Miss Morris just wanted to enjoy her day without worrying about that whole pesky teaching part. She was mad cool though.

Although I must say, with age and experience (yeah, clearly A LOT of both), I am beginning to see things in a much different light. My theory is that some freak must have written that song. I guess its innocence is arguable to some extent -- maybe I’m just hyper-perverse.

Firstly, 10 in the bed are way too many to start with. There should have been a weed out process where the fugly ones were somehow stopped before getting to “bed” stage (unless of course you’ve just got done handling 99 bottles of beer from the wall). Regardless, it would have made more sense to start with 4 or 5 in the bed, at least that way the damn song would have been shorter.

Subliminal, undertone, weird or whatever else you wish to refer to it as, the part about rollover is a source for concern. TEN? 10 people rolling over so handily means a pretty big bed. Where can one get this bed at? My bed is sort of small, and I can't really rollover. Perhaps that's why I fall off my bed in the middle of night.

Does Size Matter? I guess not. Why else would ‘they’ allow the little one to call all the shots? Oh wait, it's possible that it DOES make sense. I rebut. Size, DOES matter and therefore the other nine must have willingly “fallen” off the bed because the little one; just wasn’t cutting the cake.

Another observation is that the little one is obviously a male. Had the little one been a female, the song would have abruptly ended with “There were TWO in the bed.” You know, to cuddle… and talk the next morning.

Talk about anti-climactic (the ‘freak’ writer of this song lets it slip towards the ending). The end of the song (as it is, without the cuddling and talking part) ends with such a disappointment. After everyone (apart from the little one) falls off the bed, the song ends with something like “And The Little One Says Goodnight.” You would think something half “cool” would happen after all that rolling-over. No?

Finally, the little one is still young and has not been through the school of Hard Knox (or listen to any Biggie, Pac, Jay Z or Nas album). I give him zero street-cred. EVERYONE knows that you don’t screw-over nine people and go to bed. That’s borderline stupid to not only go to bed, but also go to bed in the same vicinity as those you’ve just got done backstabbing. Amateurish.

I just realized that nothing in the song says the '10' were people. Fair enough, 10 (english speaking) bed mites makes it still applicable.

Note: My post on Wimbledon is coming up sometime this week, just as the tournament is about to end. I do want to express my extreme irritation at everyone who refers to WimbleDon as “Wim-bell-TON”.