The Car Bizaar

I always complain that my mornings are so uneventful. Everything is so routine and regimented. Apart from writing some madness (a different one everyday), nothing is ever really different. It feels like one of those nightmarish LOOPS that never end.

But alas, all this changed yesterday morning. This (possibly) historic moment marks the first blog entry about something that happened to me before I even got to work. As a matter of fact, before I even got inside my car, and it’s been marinating in my cerebral ‘WHAT-THE-FUCK’ cortex for minutes short of 24 hours.

I usually get ready, leave my apartment, go down the stairs and check my mail. This is one of the bad (or just plain idiotic) habits I have. I check my mail in the morning (Redundantly so, as I have already checked it the night before). You never know though, maybe one day I’ll indeed find something in there, it’ll be courtesy of the MOST procrastinating mail carrier EVER.

Back to the point about yesterday, I left the damn building and approached my car. Why the fuck is there a ‘FOR SALE’ sign on my car? That's really nice, SOMEONE is selling my car and it’s not me. For the love of god, I know I harped about how boring my mornings are but not like this. WHO is trying to sell my car?

More importantly, I wonder why someone woke up one day and decided they were going to sell MY car? I’m very well aware that I live in a city of freak shows but what would prompt such bizarreness?

Here are a few thoughts I have on WHY:

Did I take the last parking spot on the street? Highly doubtful, ‘they’ would have had no way of determining that and pick my car (to sell) out of a possible 40 or more others. What about taking 2 parking spots? Not possible, I parked in between a driveway and a yellow marked pavement.

Is my car too ugly? This would hurt my feelings the most. Again, I highly doubt that’s the reason because there’s this ONE car (presumably belonging to someone in my building) that is just a mess. This thing WAS red (I think) it also could have been green, blue or primer gray. It would earn the undisputed title of “World’s EASIEST car to park” for several reasons:

1) It’s ‘shorter’ since the trunk AND the front are well SMASHED in.
2) Eliminates the worry of bumping the car and damaging the (non existent) bumper.
3) Detracts and repels any other car from coming near it.

I suppose it’s also possible that someone had mistaken my entire car for one big Yard Sale because of my trunk and all its yard sale-ish contents.

The sad, stupid and slightly relieving part about all this is that I (used to) keep my car title INSIDE my car. I know, how uncharacteristic of me (Does that count as more “immature” than not opening my mail?) My reason for the dumbass move was that I wanted to keep everything car-related, inside the car. You know, so I can easily find it. I changed my stupid ways when a friend warned me that if my car ever got stolen or broken into, said BASTARD who would have done such a thing would just be able to sign the title over to themselves, and thereby succeed in a 100% Steal-to-Legally-Own-My-Car maneuver.

Now, I keep my car title in an entirely different STATE than the one I live in. So there you have it car-stealers … FUCK YOU. (And I’m not going to tell you which of the 50 States my car title is in).

You know what they say … The Blacker the Berry, The Sweeter the Juice and The Weirder the City, the stranger the EXCUSE (to sell someone else’s car).

Note: Come to think of it, there's some HOT cars out on my street .... An Audi, a 745, a Kompressor (ok, not that hot) and several others. Go and sell oneo f those instead, you'll make a little more money.