Beep,Beep ... Who got the keys to the Jeep? Vrooooooom....

So, I went through college with this very strange feeling that something wasn’t right. I’ve always felt that I could never see things well enough. I was in denial, and of course, thought I was too young to be rockin’ some spectacles. After graduation, it got worse; I got my car and started driving (JAWS theme music playing in background). I think I’m a decent driver but no one has agreed with me so far. Some of my passenger friends have expressed concern for their safety. Oh yeah?

I OBJECT! I think I’m a good driver, relatively safe, nothing too crazy … I will admit though my only downfall is that I sort of zone out/ lapse and lose my focus. As a result, I have run a few red lights (I swear, not intentionally). It just sort of happens every now and then.

Stop signs are excusable, because you can never see those things … too many trees and too many cars parked on the sidewalk. It’s much easier to run a stop sign than it is a light. So I’m not really counting stop sign runs.

I’ve been accused of Color Blindness … Color Blindness? Are you kidding me? I’m not color blind, I can SEE red and I can SEE green. Sometimes it’s just too late when I see them. I would much rather run the light than try to SLAM on my breaks and stop the car in 10 feet or less.

This actually reminds me of another incident/ story. I didn’t pass my Driver’s license exam until the second time around. Because the first time around, I supposedly “Ran the YELLOW light” … and was lectured on how YELLOW means “prepare to stop”. The lady was so whack. I know it means I should probably be stopping, but I’m going through the light at 40 mph, and it starts to turn as I’m 10 feet away from the line … I figured if I SLAM on my breaks … she would fail me anyways and say I made her feel unsafe. So I said, fuck it … I’m going for it … and yeah, she definitely failed me. (But I swear, I passed the very next day …)


I also have a serious case of “Turn it Up” syndrome …You know, if “my song” gets played on the iPod shuffle mode … I sort of stop everything, to turn up the volume and start the mini party in the Nissan. One day I was driving to work, and one of “my songs” came on, and it was the right song at the right time and I just let loose. I was in full JAM mode (But I was stuck in traffic, so I wasn’t really driving). Before long, I had an astonished audience watching me. You know, at that point, I couldn’t really stop … because that would just be too embarrassing … to stop … And then what? Look Down? Look away? Crouch under the seat? … Oh no no no … this Party wasn’t stopping anytime soon. I guess I’d rather be crazy than embarrassed on the highway.

The worst “incident” (we should start calling those things incidents) because it sort of dumbs down all the negative connotations that come about being a dumbass on the road. One morning while commuting to work, C.R. (who’s been in the car with me before) and I had a very close call.

Long story short, this was a combination of ‘Turn it up’ syndrome AND a red light … incident. Again, I didn’t see the light (not because I was singing) but because the light was on one of those short poles, so I didn’t expect it to be there. So we’re driving and C.R. slowly says “STOP”… and then it gets a bit louder “STOP”, louder and faster and PANIC ensued “STOP! STOP!”

My perspective: It’s early in the morning, and C.R. isn’t feeling my vocals … OK fucker, I heard you the first time around!

C.R.’s perspective: SLAM your brakes and stop your car you dumbass, the light is red, you’re not slowing down and there’s a big ass truck gunning for the intersection about to T-bone your precious little car.

Clearly a miscommunication. I did end up SLAMMING my brakes, went over the line (it was already too late) I was in the middle of the intersection …it was wet, I was skidding. Miraculously, that MESS was avoided. Thanks to the quick acting truck driver who is obviously a better driver than I am. I don’t even know how, but he managed to not T-bone my car. I think C.R. has never been in the car with me since that day.


And ... One time, at band camp …