First Base with my Favorite Artist

There are several reasons why I, N.O.N, Do not buy CD’s anymore. I can’t even remember the last CD I bought (I’m talking about Audio CDs).

Well for one, I don’t ‘OWN’ a CD player. Yes, that’s correct, it’s 2005 and I don’t own a fucking CD player. My Car, has no CD/ Stereo thing (but I’m keeping it that way because that’s Old Skool …and it makes me feel special) I don’t have a stereo unit at home, and the only “CD player” I have is on my computer, which doesn’t really count. So I guess it makes sense to not buy CDs anymore … IF YOU CAN’T PLAY THEM ANYWHERE.

It’s actually a habit/ lifestyle I’ve gotten accustomed to, I have “access” to whatever I want to hear whenever I want to hear it. My iPod, along all the little expensive ass Hee-Haw gadgets that I’ve bought, allows me to play it wherever the fuck I want … AND crank it up.

But believe it or not, those super-logical reasons are not why I don’t buy CDs anymore … Oh no, I’m not that super-logical of a person. It’s the little things in life (or lack of them) that get to me the most. I’m probably one of the more particular people when it comes down to it, and the most minute of reasons can sway me (one of the qualities which I think equip me nicely to one day become a Supreme Court justice).

For example, I don’t buy CDs because I think they are hard to open. I know what you’re thinking, that I’m OCD or some shit … I’m not, I just get super annoyed by the “PLASTIC WRAPPING … OF DEATH” … What the hell? I am not a “weakling” either, and I have the mental aptitude to perform the aforementioned task, it’s just that I think it defies the concept of “user-friendly”, and it just angers me to think about the lengths that they go through to make that part of your day a very un-enjoyable experience. I have resorted to actually putting my mouth on this thing to try and get it off because I was too fed up scratching away at what seemed like an eternity of nothingness.

Some of the CDs have a ‘peeling band’ with a hanging tail, where you can just pull it off and it starts the tear on the wrapping … well … not a bad start, but how about making that thing RED … just like the CHEESE maker-people do, so I can see where the damn thing is.

Here’s something, and I’m willing to bet, I’m not the only person who’s tried to tear away the plastic wrapping with my mouth … but here’s a concept … how about some flavoring on the plastic wrapping? Not only can I buy my new Hillary Duff CD (or Hailey Duff, I’ll accept either one) … but I can buy the new Hillary Duff CD (or Hailey Duff, I’ll accept either one) in Strawberry! Vanilla! Or Cinnamon! (Or if you had a microscope, it’s probably more like feces, strep or nasty-hand-sweat/gunk-from-the-person-who-touched-this-thing-before-you flavored wrapping … either way … Hot Shit)!

Also, I don’t buy CDs anymore, because they’re always priced so strangely. This actually bothers me in all forms of retail/ commercial America … CARS to CANDY BARS … Why can’t it just be 14 dollars even, don’t trick me with that $13.99 bullshit and advertise it as being UNDER 14 dollars. Not to mention sales taxes, they make the final numbers add up to even crazier totals … Case in point… $16.27

The wait, the agonizing, excruciating waiting period before a CD hits the market (usually on a Tuesday). I figure it would be easier to just ignore it altogether, I can understand waiting for a movie (only because you don’t have to wait … and then still force yourself to make out with it just trying to unwrap it).

And one “non-technical” reason … Most CDs today have a decent single released and an absolute shitty 16 songs to accompany that one song. There are a handful of CDs where one does not have to use the “skip” feature.

What happens to the CD case if you have one of those case logic CD folios? (If you don’t … well, then you need a CD rack).

It’s just all too overwhelming.