Chatter Box

Instant Messaging used to be cool (mostly in college) because it was the way to find out what’s going on. No one ever used their phones and cell phones didn’t start blowing up until the middle of my college career. There was also a very select few people who told you EVERYTHING you needed to know. Where the party was, what happened in the news, Where the free food was and also that they "Feel Like Shit" on a Saturday morning.

Instant Messenger is not just the single half-decent thing to come out of the piece of shit company that is AOL, but it’s … it’s … wait, no that’s it, it’s nothing more than the single half-decent thing to come out of the piece of shit company that is AOL. (Why did Ted Turner go and have to save their ass, then go on TV and say, “I made the biggest mistake of my life”).

I'm not a big IM person anymore (am I?) but still, I use it (everyday) and here are some ... "Self-Criticisms":

1) I’m very “choppy” in my conversation. I’m definitely trigger-happy when it comes to the ‘ENTER’ key. So instead of writing a full sentence or statement or line of thought … I break it up into different lines by hitting ENTER. For example, if I want to convey to someone that:
I have to go to the store and grab something, I’ll be right back.

It actually ends up being:
I
have
to go to
the store to
grabSomething.
brb


2) “Get Buddy Info” is my best friend. I check away messages … yeah; I said it … I check away messages. Well I used to, but now, I don’t like half the people on my IM list, so stalking them isn’t of much interest to me anymore.

3) I go ‘INVISIBLE’ sometimes. You see, I just discovered this feature and it’s pretty cool… the ‘EYE’ thing on top of your buddy list. I don’t really have good reason to; it’s just more fun that way. I see you and you…can’t see me.

4) I sign-off or go on away mode in mid –conversation. Not that I intentionally intend to be disrespectful … (it’s pretty rare that I am disinterested enough to just bail). Most of the time this happens at night and it just means I’m falling asleep. I personally think it’s an act of compassion on my part. You know, rather than leaving them high and dry messaging away at nothing but my snores.

5) I only go on ‘AWAY’ mode if I’m sleeping (or about to go to sleep). I hate leaving away messages, and would rather just sign-off.

6) Careful what you tell me, it might just end up on my profile. Case in point:
MyVeryWhiteFriend: (with great excitement, and after ignoring a couple of my IMs) ”Sorry, I was talking to a SISTAH”

7) I haven't changed my "buddy icon" in forever. I don't even know what it is, but I think it might still be 'THE MATRIX' (the original). Wow, that's so 1999.

8) No list organization. I tried one time, and I put up all these buddy list groups but shit hit the fan and nothing makes sense. There's too many people on there anyways ... Does anyone know who SweetPea420 is ?!?!?!

9) I have a ‘FAMILY’ group with only one person in it. Yup, yes… yours truly, nafienafie is the only occupant of my IM ‘FAMILY’ group. lol

10) 80% of the time I make no sense. I’m very used to seeing Huh? In everyone’s responses. The reason is I tend to chat backwards. I start my conversations with the jist of it, no build-up, no background, nothing. Then, during most of the conversation I try to explain myself, which ... gives me something to do.


Ok, more on AOL, I should have just written this entire thing in “BLAST mode” (like ‘naughty, naughty neighbor’ and ‘H&R fuck’) complete with an F-Bomb in every sentence. However, for fear of coming across as a bitter foul-mouthed fucker, I refrain.

AOL is just terrible. I’ve used their ‘1000 hours of FREE Internet’ (I swear, only because I was in a jam, and hand no other option – but I regret, I regret). This thing is the biggest scam ever. I had to call to cancel and they wouldn’t take “No, Thanks” for an answer. I even lied and said that I was going on a mission in the South American Amazon for 2 years so I won’t need the Internet. The phone-person (who is just doing their job, I understand) STILL tried to convince me to get my service extended.

You know a company sucks when their TV ads include Tuna and Ham sandwiches (?!?!?!?!)

I’m beating a dead horse and I’ve just been filled with an overwhelming sense of disinterest on the subject matter.

Note: Today, I will be late for work (not because of this post).