Egotestical

I have HUUUGE balls.

Sorry, I kid (not really, I mean, I kid in the sense that this will not really be the subject of today’s post – I’ve been thinking about writing a post called “egotestical” and I’ve always pictured that to be my opening line).

So, the post is really about a fantasy. It’s my kink, if you will. I’ve discussed this with many friends before and they think I’m nuts (same friends who meet their dads at STD check ups, get taken by internet sluts and buy those damn kiddie balls) so it’s understandable when I say that most of what they throw at me doesn’t really phase me.

Modern science, technology and medicine are all wondrous things, no? Without really getting into a sticky discussion over creationism vs. evolution, I want to mention that I think the past 100 years have been good to humans, but we haven’t really taken advantage of anything apart from what I consider ‘minor’ things that could be classified as ‘basic survival’ (i.e. healing our jones when we get sick).

I always immerse myself into quasi-futuristic scenarios of how we, as a species could accomplish more. Granted that most governments place some serious restriction on experimental stuff, I think it’s important to experiment. Otherwise, things get boring.

My kink is that I basically think our bones are useless, in the bluntest form of the statement. I would love the opportunity to replace every single bone in my body with a more kick-ass piece of titanium. Weird, You say? Yeah, I’ve accepted that fact, and still stand by my fantasy. I am of course talking about every single bone, including our three smallest, the hammer, the anvil, and the stirrup (why do we need bones in our ears in the first place?!?)

Come to think of it, I feel this is a very do-able thing. A lot of people get bones replaced with metal after some irreconcilable fractures, so why not just do-away with that crap in the first place? I've yet decide which I think would be a more complicated procedure. Is it replacing the pelvic bone? The rib cage? or the skull? I'm thinking skull so far.

Let me just say that I’m not a sci-fi person, or a comic book “geek” so attributing this to the aforementioned wouldn’t really make sense. Shit, I haven’t even seen the ‘Spiderman’ movies, because they don’t really strike me as ‘cool.’ I did enjoy X-Men. Naturally, one would think that my opinion has something to do with a liking to the Wolverine character, it doesn’t. I think titanium might actually be cooler than that fictional adamantium shit.

I’m struggling to understand (and therefore explain) the reasoning behind this. I just know I’m personally convinced, and probably need to work on how to word it so that others would be convinced. Or, I could just wait until everyone sees my new titanium skeleton and start wanting one of their own.

Is this another ego thing? Do I subconsciously want to be a super human, indestructible robot thing? Possibly, who knows, it’d be cool for a day or so. Just picture that, I can go anywhere in this world (that would give me a fucking VISA) and no one would be able to break my bones. They’ll try all right, but they won’t succeed.

Side note: I remembered all this when I recently downloaded a song that I really liked from a few years back. I saw the video for this song and was blown away; it’s called “Rabbit in your headlights” by U.N.K.L.E. (a collaboration between DJ shadow and Thom Yorke from Radiohead). To this day, this music video is probably one of the coolest videos I have ever seen. (If you listen closely enough, you’ll catch some craziness from “Jacob’s Ladder”).

The video isn’t the main reason for me wanting to disown my own bones (it’s a Thursday morning, and disowning things is ALWAYS acceptable on Thursday mornings, in fact, it’s encouraged). It actually has nothing to do with it; the song (and video) is much deeper and deals with (I presume) a mental comeback, nothing physical per se.

Anyone up for this? Just think of all the fun you could have walking through a metal detector. You’re at least guaranteed a scenario where you have to do a fully nude walk-through. Besides, clothes are like bones … painfully dispensable. Just wanted to share.

A big thank you goes out to Southerngirl and Mybrid. My guest posters this week did a great job on holding down the fort at Culture Shock. Your posts were great and gave me a good kick (and about 30-60 minutes of extra sleep on both days). When that one day comes, when neither of you feel like writing, I’ll repay the favor (or you could make bets with me and TRY to win, but I usually prefer to put some dollars at stake … and I never lose bets).

Note: First, I think I should get some points for talking about BONES, skeletons and not throwing out a plug for THE SKELETON KEY’, in theatres tomorrow, Friday the 12th. Tomorrow, I will be tackling the (really tough) task bestowed upon me by the zombieslayer. 3? ONLY three? That’s arguably unfair, but I think I can bang it out. I already have 2 in mind. Stay tuned. Jam of the moment: U.N.K.L.E. “Rabbit In Your Headlights.”