The Skeleton Keys

Can everyone bear me talking about The Skeleton Key” anymore? I might as well just write about it from here on out, until August 12th hits and I can finally fulfill my boredom by picking up a new obsession from the previews I see.

The answer is no, not even I can bear talking about this movie anymore (but I’ll still see it) and since it’s Friday, we don’t really have to talk about things we don’t want to talk about – ya heard? (One LAST thing, the old lady in the previews, with the blanked out eyes looks wicked)!

Spare me, spare you … I didn’t really plan on talking about that to close out the week. Instead, I give you something else:

Hi, I’m Nafie and I have eleven keys on my keychain. Technically, there are only four keys out of this set of 11 that I use on a daily basis. One would bring forth an argument over why I carry eleven keys if I only use four of them. The answer is simple, where else would the other seven keys go?

I don’t want to lose them as I use them (yeah, intentional rhyme … 50 ain’t got shit on me) every now and then, so it wouldn’t really make sense for me to put those keys away. I’d either a) keep them in the car, or b) keep them in my apartment both of which I’d need A key to access so why not just keep them all together in the first place, on the key chain that was made to hold the keys.

I’m one of those people who throw their keys on the table (as opposed to keeping my keys in my pocket). I hate this about myself, I think it’s such a vulgar and socially intrusive act and when OTHER people do it, I feel like telling them to take their shit and put it back in their pockets, where the sun don’t shine. I personally do it out of frustration and a need to part with my clunk of keys as fast as possible. I presume others do it for other reasons and those OTHER reasons fall under the above description.

Throwing my keys on the nearest table or countertop is just asking for disaster isn't it? It would be too easy to forget them somewhere. However, I doubt that will ever happen to me because I’ve lost my keys once and it wasn’t pleasant (technically didn’t ‘lose’ them, I locked them in the car during a serious rainstorm). Since that cursed night, I vowed never to let it happen again. What I do now is basically treat them like a bunch of kids (11), that I have to watch over 24/7, and I haven’t lost them since (see, I CAN be responsible afterall, will baby-sit for food).

Now, I’m a peaceful guy, I’ve only been in one fight my whole entire life. Of course, one fight constitutes the other person putting up a resistance and actually hitting me back. The ones where I knock ‘em down without taking any damage don’t count as full-blown ‘fights’. It’s not worth an entire post, so I’ll just summarize the story:

I don’t even remember the reason but this kid got in my face about some stupid shit. I think I was 13 or so. I was into the whole WWF thing back then, so he PUSHED me first and punched my arm. Out of self-defense (of course), I pummeled him back until he was dragging on the floor, but I was still mad and decided that I would keep going and see if I can execute some of my favorite wrestling moves.

I tried to go for Bret Hart’s Sharpshooter, but it was too tough to master and I’ve seen it being countered on too many times … so I figured I’d go for Razor Ramon’s much simpler Razor’s Edge or a Jackknife Powerbomb, ala Big Daddy Cool Diesel (Kevin Nash). Luckily, Mr. Nixon caught the fight and we got sent to detention. Which was probably better for me than making front-page news for breaking someone’s neck.

Point of the story? I’ve always figured that having eleven keys would be good for self-defense if I get hassled by a group of drunkards. One full swing (topspin forehand style) and someone would be getting several needles to their face. Again, I’m not a violent person, I’m just saying …

Advice: If approached by a group wanting to beat you up, focus your attention on just ONE person, the biggest most menacing person. Make an example out of him and the rest will scurry off like vermin (or tend to their friend, also like vermin).

Happy Friday.

Note: Now that I’ve quit the whole Glass Steel thing, I need to find something else to lengthen my post by a couple extra words. Still thinking about it, but for now, jam of the moment: Lucy Pearl – “I can’t stand your mother.”