The Chicken or The Egg?

Who fucking cares. This age old philosophical dilemma is one that I have found yields nothing profound. I have yet to hear a convincing argument from either side … and frankly, I think waiters and waitresses could benefit from asking it more than those seemingly deep, deep folk.

“We’re not sure if the smoke is Black or White … it’s sort of Gray … wait… BELLS are ringing … wait, that could just mean Six O’clock.”
– My first exposure to the news/ the outside world when I got home from work

So … New Pope, German Boy … Benedict XVI (R.S. has mentioned that Benedict is Vatican-ese/an/ish for “Good Dick” – I am only quoting here, no hate-mail please). However, word on the grapevine is that the new Pope had previously undergone a De-Nazi-fication class because as a 14 year-old he was forced to join something bad (Hitler made them all do it). I think De-Nazi-fication is akin to what we more commonly know as "diversity training" in our every day hum-drum corporate lives.

Charming, but I’m definitely not one to judge. The news reports have mentioned that he is an extremely smart 78-year-old, and a very kind, kind man. That’s definitely a good start.

AND … also, this Pope is nicknamed “God’s Rottweiler” because of his hardcore Catholicism, wow, thing, and stuff. I’m trying to figure out what exactly that means, how ‘hardcore’ is ‘hardcore’? Go on with your bad self … you Rottweiler, you. GGgrrrrrr.

I couldn’t care any less, but I’m a little upset and disappointed that the Nigerian candidate isn’t the new Pope. Francis Arinze was apparently a “front-runner” for the Papacy. Yesterday, at work, R.B. mentioned that the previous 10 Papal “CONCLAVES” have also had Black cardinals as “front-runners.” Well, it seems even the Vatican plays the "token" game, and I thought that was just a reality TV thing.

I actually didn’t want to go there and cry foul – but I saw an interview on T.V. where they were asking some Italians on the street who they want the next Pope to be … and the overwhelming response regarding Francis Arinze was (Italian for) “The next Pope can’t be Black, no, no, no.”

Enough. I will refrain from blasting The Catholic Faith, The Vatican, The Italians (Ok... so you guys bring some decent food to the table, and?) I also had a bunch of LITTLE BOY ABUSE/ MOLESTATION jokes that I won’t unleash mainly because I could probably use them in another post sometime down the line, when something warrants such a nefarious (or should I say NAFarious) low-blow.

I do however want to discuss the word “conclave”. Conclave is defined (by Oxford, so the Queen said it was cool) as a secret meeting; it also does mention that it is specific to electing the new Pope. Am I the only person who is disturbed (on so many levels) by that word? It just sounds like:

1) A body part: a dirty, dirty orifice somewhere on someone’s dirty, dirty body.

2) An object: Probably not something good (perhaps of medieval origins).

3) A person: The kind that nobody likes.

Hmmm - that actually makes it the perfect cuss word. I personally feel there’s too many cuss words out there: “Fuck” “Bastard” “Bitch” “Asshole” “Cunt” "Dickhead” (Tourette-Syndrome-Free here, but I could sit here all day and write every dirty word I could ever think of – I really, really do enjoy it) and too many cuss words is not fun because sometimes you can’t decide and you just end up saying something weak like “DUMBASS” or “DUFUS” or god forbid your lame-ass from saying “Ho.”

I think “Conclave” solves that pretty well. e.g: ”You can take your CONCLAVE and shove it up your CONCLAVE you fucking CONCLAVE.” (“Fucking” here is in the form of a supportive adjective, not it’s traditional verb form and not the occasionally used noun form, so it’s cool to include it with Conclave in a supporting role – the Queen would definitely bless).

Also, I should mention (if by any chance anyone who is a Catholic is STILL reading) that I in no-way mean any disrespect to you, your religion, your theological belief (is that the same as 'religion'?) and your ceremonies of picking a Head of Church. Everyone will hear some things that might offend him or her – stop whining and take it in jest. Besides, it’s early in the morning and I usually come off as offensive during this time of the day.

Truce?

Note: I really don’t know what happened to the Chicken (obsession #67) and Egg thing. Perhaps another time. Also, I could have written about American Idol (obsession #19) – But I REFUSE to do so until my favorite (obsession #112) gets (wrongfully) and pre-maturely booted off the show … and then … I swear by all that is holy … FOX, Simon, Randy, Paula and Ryan will get it real bad from this master of mean.